"You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you." - St Augustine
You have probably heard or read this quote somewhere else before, but this is probably one of the most known quotes of St. Augustine. This quote causes a great impact in me because I have recently started my application to join St. Charles Borromeo Seminary in the Catholic Diocese of El Paso, Texas, and not only that but I am just a few steps away in finishing it. By now, you are probably excited about this, or you are wondering why I would do such thing. Well, when people ask me how I finally took this decision, it’s hard for me to give them an answer and I basically tell them how I started getting involved in church after I was confirmed, but obviously the answer is not that simple. It has actually been almost 8 to 9 years of doubting, worrying, inner fighting and discernment.
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| St. Mark's Catholic Church |
I entered confirmation at St. Mark’s Catholic Church in
El Paso, Texas on the year 2005. At first, like the majority of the students, I
didn’t want to go. I didn’t really like it. I wasn’t because I was a rebellious
teenager or something similar but because I was like 2 years older than my
classmates and I thought that they would laugh at me for being so old. (I got
baptized and did my First Holy Communion when I was 13 or 14 years old. I guess
I was a little traumatized. Hahaha.) In reality my classmates never made fun of
me, but it was something I would constantly worry about. As time passed by
though, I started liking my confirmation class. I think I liked it because I
had a very awesome catechist and because I would always pay attention in class.
I have never been the type of guy who likes getting in trouble, so when going
to school or confirmation class, I would just pay attention and do what I had
to do.
At St. Mark’s, the confirmation program requires
confirmation candidates to attend two years of religious education classes, and
two confirmation retreats; one retreat each year. During my first year of
confirmation, a Lifeteen group from St. Pius Catholic Church was organizing a
retreat at Ysleta High School. This retreat was titled “Going Home” and hosted
Father Stan Fortuna as their main speaker. Fr. Stan Fortuna C.F.R. is one of the eight founding
members of the Community of Franciscan Friars of the Renewal. He is a Roman
Catholic priest, but prior to his conversion, he was a professional jazz
musician.
During this retreat, like
in any other retreat, there was a time for prayer. It is here, where I believe
it all started. Fr. Stan was leading us into prayer and talking about his
conversion and calling during a Holy Hour and I can clearly remember his words.
He said: “When God calls you, He is like a mosquito. He flies and flies buzzing
around you trying to grab your attention, and no matter how much you try to get
him away from you, you can’t. He eventually takes over.” Then I remember Fr.
Stan saying something similar to this: “If you want to discover God’s grace and
power in your life, I invite you to repeat these words after me, but I warn you!
If you do it, your life will never be the same.” I was nervous; I was scared. I
didn’t know what was going to happen but out of curiosity and somewhat tempting
God to show His power and greatness, I repeated the words that Father Stan
said. I do not remember the exact words, but they were very simple, nothing out
of the ordinary. I think they were something like this: “Dear God, you have
called me and here I am.” When I said the words nothing happened. (I guess I
was expecting God to come down from Heaven Himself.) Time passed and I felt
normal. I didn’t realize what God had done and was doing with and in me. I
continued going to confirmation classes; I continued paying attention and
learning about God and my Catholic faith. I was just overtaken by all this
knowledge I was learning and I loved it. My mom by this time was already a
First Holy Communion Catechist assistant, and my youngest brother was already
singing at the children’s choir. Later, I started getting more involved. I would
accompany my mom everywhere she went to. She started attending Siloe, which
were bible study classes with a little of philosophy and psychology. I would
just sit at the very back of the parish hall pretending to read a book, when in
reality I found myself listening to everything the preacher from Guatemala was
saying. I was amazed. God had taken over me through all this knowledge I was
acquiring. I wanted to learn more and more.
Time passed, and now not
only was I going to my confirmation classes, but I would still accompany my mom
to her bible study classes I would go to mass on Sundays and I would help
Bernardo, my confirmation teacher (and parish sacristan and who is now my
Godfather) to organize events that will take place at the parish hall, like
weddings or quinceñeras. Not only that, but if I was on vacation from school, I
would go to daily mass. As I started going to daily mass, I would also stay to
help my Godfather clean the temple and do other church maintenance duties.
Father Leonides Rivero who was the Pastor of Saint Mark’s at that time started
to see me frequently and he would always smile at me. People at the parish also
started to see me more and got to know me better. Little by little I started to
make new friends. I liked all of this. I got so involved at church, that one time,
for the parish bazaar I spent all week helping my Godfather set up all the
booths. I also sleep that weekend at church on top of one of the tables outside.
It was the coldest night of my life and the most tiring experience as well, but
a very, very gratifying experience. 
Well
once again, as the people started to see me more and they started to see how
involved I was, they would also see something in me that made them all ask me
the same question, “Have you considered the priesthood?” Once in a while they
would change it around and say: “Me gustas para sacerdote” which means “I would
like for you to become a priest.” I was never prepared for those types of
comments or questions. In reality I would just smile and try to ignore them but
they were too many. It was like the entire parish vs. me. Hahaha. Or at least
it felt like it. I cannot even remember how many times
people told this to me, but I would always say that my biggest dream was to get
married, have kids and form my family. This really was never close to
happening. I would also deny it because I was scared. I really could not
imagine how my life would be if I did become a priest. Time passed and I often
discovered myself thinking on what it would be like if I really became a
priest. I asked myself questions. How would I look in those vestments? Would I
be capable? What if it really was my calling? I started changing my way of
thinking and started to be more open. I started saying to myself “if this is
what God wants from me then I want it too. I cannot tell Him no.” I started to
become more open to this option and I often got really, really strong desires
to become a saint. I often felt that my life was not making me happy and that I
needed to do a change. I felt like running to a faraway place and just giving
myself up to God, like St. Benedict. I started to have stronger thoughts and
desire to become a priest and every day I would look for new signs to help me
on this journey. I got to a point where I just couldn’t handle the situation
any longer and just decided that following God and giving myself to Him was all
I needed. God is my life. I love Him. Learning about Him and teaching about Him
and just trying to imitate His message of love is what keeps me going. I can’t
imagine my life without Him. I think I have many things to offer, my time, my
words, my dedication, my life. I expect if God permits to someday become a
Priest that dedicates himself to the people and the community; a person who
will make of this world a better place to live in. I want to help people,
nourish people, and inspire people. I would like to feed them and just practice
the example Jesus left us. I want to be a priest to be like Jesus and reflect
Him in my life. I want to be a priest so that when people see me they know that
I follow God, better yet I want them to know that I no longer live but that God
lives in me.
Another great inspiration in my life that caused me and motivated
me to consider the priesthood was my youth group, the one that lasted for 5
years, and that I attended since the very first day. When I got confirmed, I
heard that there was going to be a new youth group at the parish (My youth
groups name was “Siloe de Jovenes” it was based on “Siloe” the bible classes my
mom was taking, just that it was adapted to youth); without doubt I knew it was
something God was calling me to do. So I did. At that time the youth group
started, I was volunteering as a soccer coach at Benito Martinez Elementary. I
had to walk from my house to the school caring a huge bag of soccer balls and
practice cones; that day, when the practice was over I decided that I would
walk to church with my soccer equipment as well, and I did. Since the very
first day, I met incredible people. I met the person who is now my best friend,
her name is Brenda Castañon. She has always been there for me, and we have gone
through so many things together. Our friendship just keeps growing every day.
She has been a role model for me and I do not even have words to say how much I
love her. She as well has great love and affection for me, and all I can say is
that her blessing accompanies me everywhere I go. Brenda has been my greatest
example of sanctity here on earth. With my youth group, we accomplished so many amazing and wonderful things. We were the first youth group who started giving confirmation retreats at the parish wether it was in English or in Spanish. We started doing the live Stations of the Cross every year. For Christmas we would also do a Mexican tradition known as the Pastorelas. We would help out at the parish bazaar; we would sell candy after ever mass on Sundays to help the parish out. For Mexico’s “Dia del niño”, we would also give out toys to all the kids that went to mass that day; All of this without mentioning that our group started with only seven youth and grew up to having more than 50. We were not alone of course. Unidos al Caminar ministry which was the adult’s version of “Siloe” was always there to help us. Deacon Jesus Cardenas the spiritual guide of both ministries, made a great impact in my life. I will be eternally grateful to him.
To make things short, I attended Tepeyac Institute in the Diocese
of El Paso and finished the Christian Formation Program, I became an
Extraordinary Eucharistic Minister, a confirmation catechist, the leader of my
youth group, I joined the “Asamblea de Oracion” every Wednesday, and many
things more. Lately, my greatest motivation in this journey has been to become
a Confirmation Sponsor of a young and beautiful young girl. Her name is
Alejandra and she makes my heart extremely happy. I hope I can be a good guide
for her and not only that, but I hope that God continues to bless me in this
wonderful experience I am beginning; and even though that I am not a priest nor
a seminarian yet, I pray to God that He can make me an instrument of His loving
and everlasting wonderful will.
PS. This is just a “short” story of the wonders that God has made
in my life. There are many more things to say and many more people to thank, but
I would never finish. May God bless you all!
